I have been mostly silent this end of year. I did not write a blog post for Christmas, even. It's not that I had nothing going on, or had nothing to say. I did. Just not to the world. I was talking to my soul; deep in conversation with the person I am focusing on the most these days: ME.
Browsing through my social media this morning, I see such a need for those deep inner-conversations to happen. A few people are excited about the upcoming year. A LOT of people, however, are struggling today; focusing on where they are, on what they have lost, how this year was difficult...Their eyes and hearts heavy with all that went wrong with their world and families in 2017. Many have blankets over their heads, bottles under their pillows, and a heavy list of resentments + pains. The negative self-talk is so loud I can hear it. People torn apart with shame, fear and self-pity. Imaginary or real - it does not matter. Their pain is theirs, and rightfully so.
If this is you, please know that I am sending you all my love today. Maybe you are feeling like crap and you need to know you are not alone. Maybe the light inside of your heart is just a flicker of what it's been in the past - barely enough to light up the way out of bed today. I have been there so many times.
Listen, there is nothing wrong with being honest and honoring where you are today. If you feel shitty and that is where you want to stay, then by all means give yourself permission to be there. I am not here to tell you to tear open a package of fake sunlight and force it down your throat with a spoonful of sugar.
I am, however, here to ask you a question.
Would you be willing to spend time with yourself today, having one of those deep conversations?
Would you be willing to fly for a second, get out of your head and see your life from the outside?
Would it be possible that you may have a say on how this story continues to unfold?
Would it be possible that today is perhaps the PERFECT day to sit and take a look at all the stories you have been telling yourself...a look so bold and so honest that you see things you hadn't had the courage to see before?
Would today, rather than pull the blanket over your head, be the day that you take that walk in the forest...sit by a lake...go to a coffeeshop with your journal...or find that place where you can be still?
Would today be the day when you shift your eyes from what life does "TO you" versus "FOR you"?
Is it possible that all that is happening right now is part of a much bigger process of transformation that you have not contemplated?
There are no great stories ever written without a cathartic moment of pain, you know. Is that moment what you are going through right now?
In most of those stories, the hero has a moment of shifting; a moment of knees-on-ground / eyes-to-sky, where the story changes. The hero stops being a victim, takes ownership of his or her life, and everything changes. A tiny little moment in time - a second of bravery. That is all it takes to walk into a new space inside of your own story.
Blankets are shed. A deep breath is taken. Blood starts to flow. A glimmer of a smile, perhaps.
And all of a sudden, the dark monster shadows on the ceiling bow down - becoming stepping stones on your path.
The same exact reality from a minute ago shifts. What seemed daunting and unsurmountable becomes manageable - and even necessary on the path ahead.
Can you see this? Is there a little something getting curious inside of your chest now?
Would it be possible that the shift in roles, from victim to hero, is only a decision away?
What would that look like in your life?
Is it letting go of drinking? Is it ending or shifting in a codependent relationship? Is it admitting to being stuck in a job you hate? Is it realizing you are defined by the roles you play instead of the woman/man you are meant to BE? Is it un-dusting a dream from the shelf? Is it re-defining your vision for your life today? Is it discovering parts of you that are unknown? Is it getting honest with a friend or family member? Is it feeling empowered to win the battle in your illness? Is it admitting you need help and asking for it?
What will it take for you to let go of old stories and write out new ones?
What kind of new agreements can you make with yourself for the new year ahead?
It all starts with you, you know. In a moment of stillness. In a moment of boldness.
And if these words do nothing but annoy you, you are welcome to close this post and pull the blanket over your head. That may be the perfect place for you to be today (and it is still part of a process which you may not see yet). Totally cool if you do that.
But if anything inside of you is getting curious - anything... follow it. Get up, get out, stay there - follow that instinct. Follow the little voice that is begging you to ask questions, get brave, get honest with yourself.
Walk into that place and see what happens.
How will you wrap up this 2017? How will you walk into 2018?
It's time. For Bravery. For Gratitude. For Surrender. For Release. For Honesty.
It's time to change the story. Let go of old agreements. Let go of "what your life was supposed to look like today". What your "family is supposed to look like". What your "dreams and realities are supposed to look like".
So what if it looks different? So what if it may not look "perfect"? What is perfect, anyway? Who was the one who defined what reality would or should look like today? Was that you or the world? Can you re-define that today?
In fact, let me tell you... if your world sucks - then great - its the perfect place to start shifting and creating. If you are hitting rock bottom on any area of your life - fantastic. You can decide to walk forwards, even one little step. In fact if your life totally fucking blows today - congratulations. You are making your way through the shit so you can get to the other side. Keep your eyes on the road. Keep walking. Keep going. Don't give up.
It is ALL part of the journey, exactly what was meant to happen.
Can you see that?
Its time to see that. It's time for you to give yourself that gift.
Trust the process and smile.
It's time. Your time. Today.
With love and open arms, Sober Mami - #2018