Shame-free Sundays

recovery relapse Oct 27, 2019

I have to confess—I am feeling a bit off this Sunday morning as I write this. I over-indulged last night, and my body is feeling the effects. As my alarm went off at 7 am, I had a moment of panic as I realized my head hurt and my body felt a little off. Had I drank last night?

In the interlude between sleep and light, my brain sent the immediate alarm bells, trying to pull up the drinking details: the when, the how, the where. To tug the corner of the blanket that would unfurl the rest of the shameful story. I had countless Saturday night shame stories that haunted me the next morning. Panic gripped me as my mind searched the story to match with my achy body.

But there was no drinking done last night. There was no story of shame. 

I smiled and let relief wash over me. No, I did not drink. I told my anxious heart, lovingly, to settle the f*ck down, and that our body's "hangover" feeling was due to staying up too late (Have you guys seen Modern Love on Amazon? Could Not. Stop); eating too many sea salt chocolate vars, and an overload of emotions over the last few days.  I am getting over a long relationship and doing a deep dive into my open heart. It's hard, and I am diving head first. 

"You didn't drink, babe. You are navigating the hard stuff without tapping out." I heard my mind trying to soothe me. The same mind that shamed me for decades now works hard at soothing me. So thankful for that shift.

I breathed out through a half-smile. Even when my life feels heavy, sobriety remains my lifesaving device. No matter how much the shit hits the fan, I've got my sober, open, naked soul to feel grateful for. 

I am sharing this with you today because you are either waking up sober and reading this with a half-smile, nodding your head...

or you aren't.

If you drank last night and you are feeling the pain—that pain—I want you to three things this Sunday:

  1. You may not be able to control your drinking, but you can control your ability to take the first step towards quitting. You are fully empowered to get your life back on track.

  2. This does NOT mean you have control to "just quit." If you are like me, the decision to quit using willpower does not work. Willpower only got me sober one week at a time. The decision I am talking about is to do the work that gets you sober. To open your arms to recovery. The focus isn't on quitting. It's on healing.

  3. You don't need to understand how the whole process works. If you think too much, it feels overwhelming. It just needs to be one small step. One shift that comes from the voice in you that says "enough."

Are you in the "enough" place? My gift to you this morning is the same one that saved my ass when I was "enoughing" all over the place.

You can get free from this feeling you have right now, forever. Nobody will do it for you, darling.

If you need a little extra inspiration, I leave you with the voice of my mentor and friend, Elena Brower. This audio has the power to move mountains. I am anchored in every word this weekend as I do my own healing. 

I leave you with mucho love and hope. I know you can flip the script before the end of the year. I first got sober on a November, many years ago. I know you can join me in making the last leg of 2019 the best part of your year. 

We run our addictions alone, but we recover better together. I am with you.

 

Mucho love,

Pamela

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